The Experience Miracles Podcast

Finding Hope in the Hardest Days: A Dad’s Story of Autism, Cancer, and Complete Breakdown

Nov 25, 2025

Hope, Co-Regulation, and Healing for Parents of Kids with Autism: A Dad-to-Dad Conversation with Zack Ponder

Episode 159, Experience Miracles Podcast | Host: Dr. Tony Ebel, DC, CACCP, Pediatric Chiropractor & Founder of PX Docs | Published: November 25, 2024 | Duration: ~78 min

Guest: Zack Ponder, Special Education Teacher, Author of Special Days, Host of the Unspecial Podcast

Key Takeaways

  • Co-regulation is one of the most powerful neurological tools available to parents: when the adults around a child calm their own nervous system, the child’s autonomic nervous system follows, making parental nervous system care as important as the child’s care.
  • Parents of children with autism, special needs, and chronic illness are among the most underserved people in the healthcare system, most resources, services, and attention are directed at the child, leaving parents without dedicated support.
  • Zack Ponder’s family began Neurologically-Focused Chiropractic Care with a PX Doc after his wife Reka’s stage three rectal cancer diagnosis and their son Jack’s premature birth. Within three weeks of starting care, their oldest child’s hour-long meltdowns disappeared; within a week, their 7-year-old’s personality, suppressed for over a year, returned.
  • Three weeks at a holistic cancer clinic in Tijuana, Mexico shrunk Reka’s tumor by two centimeters, twice the progress made during four months of chemotherapy, demonstrating that healing is simultaneously physical, mental, and spiritual.
  • Healing is not built on avoiding the storm. According to Dr. Tony Ebel, DC, CACCP, resilience and adaptability are the actual foundation of health, for children with autism, for cancer survivors, and for the parents holding families together through it all.

Why Parents of Kids with Autism Need Their Own Healing Plan

Parents of children with autism and special needs carry an invisible burden that most healthcare systems, and most autism resources, completely ignore. Every IEP meeting, every therapy session, every research rabbit hole is oriented around the child. The parent is a vehicle. A caregiver. An advocate. But rarely a patient.

Co-regulation, the neurological process by which one person’s calm nervous system helps regulate another’s, makes parental nervous system health directly relevant to a child’s outcomes. When the adults in a child’s environment are dysregulated, stressed, and stuck in sympathetic dominance, they inadvertently feed the child’s own dysregulation. This isn’t a failure of character. It’s neuroscience.

Zack Ponder spent seven years teaching profound autism in life skills classrooms, where students were non-verbal, violent, and required multiple staff for physical safety. He watched parents walk out of IEP meetings sobbing, overwhelmed not just by their child’s challenges but by being surrounded by systems that reduced their child to a list of deficits, and offered them nothing. That gap, parents as the forgotten population, became the mission behind his book Special Days and the Unspecial Podcast.

When Reka, his wife, was diagnosed with stage three rectal cancer at 25 weeks pregnant in August 2024, everything Zack had been learning about nervous system health, faith, and resilience became personal in a way nothing else could have prepared him for. The family’s healing journey, through conventional medicine, a holistic cancer clinic in Mexico, and ultimately Neurologically-Focused Chiropractic Care with a PX Doc, offers a real-world roadmap for families navigating their own storms.

Zack’s Origin Story: Seven Years in the Profound Autism Classroom [00:09:00 – 00:13:00]

Zack Ponder: It got started way back in 2016 when I started teaching special ed. I taught seven years of a life skills class, profound autism. That’s where my heart is. It was long days. It was violent. It was all non-speakers and it was intense. Many days we’d have staff going to the ER on multiple occasions.

I moved from high school to middle school, and in middle school it seemed like the parents had gotten through the early years, all the uncertainty and denial was kind of gone. And they’d arrive at middle school thinking, Is this their future, or are they going to snap out of it? There was this weird pressure on the teacher to fix it all.

I’ll never forget sitting in an IEP meeting, lawyers there, cameras recording, super intense, and watching a mom sob as she walked out. I went up to her and said, How are you doing? And she said, “I just can’t handle these meetings. They’re so negative.”

At that moment, I thought: there is a whole side of the special needs journey that nobody pays attention to. That lies with the parents. All the services, all the attention, everything is on how to fix their child. And that’s detrimental.

So I started writing down stories from the classroom, 12 of them over five years, connecting each one back to faith and where I found God in the daily grind. That became the book Special Days.

Dr. Tony Ebel, DC, CACCP: What you just described about looking for God every day, not just on Sunday, not just in quiet time, that’s exactly what parents in this community need. Day to day with a profoundly autistic child is exhausting. It’s a grind. It’s adding up. And what you found is that it’s there, in those granular hard moments, if you know to look for it.

“There is a whole side of the special needs journey that nobody realizes, and that lies with the parents.”, Zack Ponder

Co-Regulation: The Neurological Cheat Code [00:17:00 – 00:21:00]

Dr. Tony Ebel: When that dad got into the car with his violent, panicking son and just sat there, his presence was everything. That’s what I see from a nervous system perspective. He found vagal nerve tone. He found parasympathetic activation. And the nerd word for that is just co-regulation.

Co-regulation is one of the two things we’ve become obsessed with at PX Docs and on this podcast. It is an absolute neurological cheat code to getting our kids calmer and more regulated, and it starts with looking at the people around them.

My wife’s cousin got her first special education classroom this year. I asked how the kids were doing. She said, Great. I asked how the whole thing was going. She said, Awful. The kids were doing fine. But all the adults in the room, the aides, the paras, were a mess. Stressed, negative, dysregulated. And it was running downhill onto the kids.

That’s co-regulation in reverse. The dysregulation of the adults was creating more dysregulation in the children.

This is why parent support isn’t soft-skills work. It’s neurological work. When we help a parent regulate their own nervous system, through adjustments, through community, through faith, we are directly improving the neurological environment their child lives in.

“Co-regulation is an absolute neurological cheat code to getting our kids calmer and more regulated, looking at the folks who are around them.”, Dr. Tony Ebel, DC, CACCP

Reka’s Cancer Diagnosis and the 50-Day Hospital Stay [00:21:00 – 00:28:00]

Zack Ponder: In April 2024, we were pregnant with our fourth child and living in Sandpoint, Idaho. My wife started having complications. Her hemoglobin dropped to around 6, it should be around 10. She got a blood transfusion. Then two more months, four or five transfusions, and still no answers.

Then in August 2024, on her birthday, at 25 weeks pregnant, she was diagnosed with stage three rectal cancer.

We left Idaho and came to San Diego for treatment. The baby stayed in until 29 weeks. During those four weeks, we were in the hospital for 50 days. My wife’s greatest fear was ending up in a hospital. And there we were.

She went through two rounds of chemo with baby Jack still in the womb. After the second round, she developed an infection near the tumor site. Emergency surgery to drain the abscess. Two days later, emergency C-section. Both times she left the hospital room, they gave us a minute and said, I don’t know if she’s coming back. The OB said, We have no idea what we’re up against. We have a minute, and we hope for the best.

After Jack was born and spent nine weeks in the NICU, Reka did 25 rounds of radiation, every weekday for five weeks, while we drove an hour each way to the NICU. Then five more rounds of chemo. Near the end, the tumor was still 10 centimeters. They said: surgery is the only option.

Dr. Tony Ebel: That’s the fire department. They come with axes and fire hoses, surgeries, chemos, radiations, and they don’t know how to turn the hydrant off. At some point you hit a line in the sand where you have to say: Thank you for getting us here. Now it’s time to heal. Now it’s time to find hope dealers, not hope stealers.

Three Weeks in Mexico and the Power of Hope as Medicine [00:32:00 – 00:41:00]

Zack Ponder: When the oncologist said there was nothing else they could do, I pressed him. He responded with: That’s all we know to do here. I caught the word “here.” He was telling me to look somewhere else.

I went to an autism conference and talked to scientists. I asked all of them: What would you do if your wife had cancer? Every one of them said the same thing: Hope for Cancer in Tijuana, Mexico.

So we went for three weeks. When we arrived, her liver was shot from all the chemo and radiation. She could hardly walk.

The vibe at that clinic is hope. That’s one of the biggest things in a healing journey, you get so wrapped up in the physical, but it’s very mental and very spiritual. When you start to be around people speaking hope and expecting miracles, it shifts something in your brain. And then your cells start to respond.

Three weeks in, her liver was back to normal. The tumor shrunk two centimeters. Chemo over four months had only shrunk it one centimeter. And we walked two miles through the streets of Tijuana with no walker.

Dr. Tony Ebel: Three weeks versus four months. That’s not a coincidence. Here at PX Docs, we use HRV (heart rate variability) and INSiGHT Scans to measure nervous system function, and the data backs this up. There are actual studies on intercessory prayer, other people praying for you, without you even knowing, that show measurable improvements in HRV, a marker of resilience and healing capacity. Hope isn’t soft. It’s biological.

“When you start to be around people who are speaking hope and expecting miracles, it shifts something in your brain. And then your cells start to respond.”, Zack Ponder

Discovering PX Docs: What Neurologically-Focused Chiropractic Care Did for Their Family [00:41:00 – 00:55:00]

Zack Ponder: While we were in Mexico, a buddy texted me and said to check out chiropractic care. I’d seen chiropractors my whole life, but I didn’t know the connection to the nervous system. Three months went by.

Then I had a podcast guest, Tommy, who runs Spectrum and Camouflage. He started talking about a PX Doc his son was seeing, and within weeks his son was starting to say words. I nearly fell off my chair. And then three days after that, I had a scheduled podcast with Dr. Fer, a PX Doc in Eagle, Idaho. She came on and blew my mind.

I signed the whole family up. My wife had been saying for months: I know my nervous system is out of whack. I know I’m in fight or flight. She was right.

Within days, we were seeing changes:

My 9-year-old, Reef, had been having meltdowns lasting over an hour, he just could not function. Three weeks into care, I looked at my wife and said, Has Reef had a meltdown in a while? She said she didn’t think so. We’re five or six weeks in now. He still hasn’t had one.

My 7-year-old, Naya, had been what we kept calling “subdued.” Like she was trapped inside herself. Within one week, that’s the joke with Dr. Stan, it’s Naya 2.0. Running around, laughing, goofing off. She’s Naya again.

My 4-year-old Poppy is still wild, she’s a third child. But the shift with her is that nothing used to calm her down. Now she’ll come to us and let us co-regulate her, and it stabilizes her.

And baby Jack, he’s one year old. He had no personality. He was very stoic. Within days, he’s babbling more, crawling more, laughing, chasing toys. Doubters said he was just growing up. That doesn’t happen in a week.

Dr. Tony Ebel: It doesn’t surprise me at all that your family became fast responders. You’ve always had faith. You’ve always known the body is designed to heal. You’ve always put good food into your kids. When you put adjustments into a family full of love, faith, good nutrition, and community, they take faster. They’re going into a system that needs it, but also into a system that already has momentum.

For you and Reka specifically, when you’re going through what she’s going through, the core presentation doesn’t just drop off the map in the first six weeks. But what happens is: when the patterns return, you face them differently. They don’t bog you down as much. You recover faster. You face them with a greater mindset. That’s healing from the inside out. Pain is usually the last thing to show up, and the last thing to go. The body heals through layers.

“You can go take all the supplements you want. But if your nervous system is not in check, it’s all going to get blocked. Go to the source.”, Zack Ponder

The Division in the Autism Community and the Case for Root Cause Healing [01:01:00 – 01:12:00]

Dr. Tony Ebel: There’s a division happening in the autism community right now that breaks my heart. On one side, you have families with high-functioning kids who are finding acceptance, celebration, even identity around their autism. On the other, you have families with level three, profound autism who are barely surviving, and who feel silenced by a community that has made the word “autism” something to glorify.

Both deserve awareness. Both deserve love and community. But if you’re suffering, if your child is suffering, you deserve interventions that can help you get to the other side.

Zack Ponder: The realities are completely opposite. You have families having reveal parties to celebrate autism. And then families who are barely surviving. The word has gotten so convoluted.

What needs to happen is autism needs to be redefined. These profound families aren’t seen, they’re not heard, and they’ve been silenced for so long. They’re not advocating as hard because they’re just trying to survive.

The controversy can actually be settled simply: every parent wants what’s best for their child. No parent wants their child to suffer. So let’s start there. Healing can happen. Because autism is medical, and if we’re willing to go to root causes, we can make progress.

Dr. Tony Ebel: I’ve done hundreds of Perfect Storm workshops and I always did them in May, not April, for exactly that reason. Awareness and acceptance are an awesome first step, but they’re incomplete. Whether it’s mild, moderate, or severe, when it’s your kid, mild is severe. Every child struggling deserves our help.

Two truths can both be true: We absolutely love the way God made your child. And we want your child to heal and thrive without suffering. Those aren’t contradictory. And when we tap into root causes, subluxation, nervous system dysregulation, birth trauma, and we get healing interventions like chiropractic care and healthy living, we all get better.

Four Pillars: What a Whole-Family Healing Plan Actually Looks Like [00:56:00 – 01:01:00]

Zack Ponder: I approach it through four pillars, medical, physical, spiritual, and mental. Because out there, I see support for parents medically. I see support through therapies. But almost nothing that hits on mindset and faith.

The first shift for me was stopping asking why and starting asking what. When I was asking why, Why is this happening? Why does my wife have to suffer? Why do my kids have to go through this?, it led me straight into being a victim. When I shifted to What is this doing for me? How is this serving me?, I moved into surrender. That’s where peace lives.

I learned pretty fast: you need to talk with your spouse and get on the same page, because your healing journey isn’t going anywhere if you’re not in agreement. Then instill hope. Don’t bring doom and gloom. There is always hope. And then get your nervous system in check.

Dr. Tony Ebel: That’s the whole equation right there. Get to know a parent. Relate to them. Instill hope. Connect them to God. Connect them to a PX Doc. That’s it. That’s how healing starts.

Frequently Asked Questions

What is co-regulation and why does it matter for kids with autism?

Co-regulation is the neurological process by which one person’s regulated nervous system helps bring another person’s into balance. For children with autism, this means that when parents and caregivers calm their own autonomic nervous system, specifically activating the parasympathetic response, the child’s nervous system follows. Research and clinical observation both support this: dysregulated adults create more dysregulation in the children around them, regardless of intention.

Can nervous system stress from a traumatic family event affect children’s behavior?

Yes. When a family goes through extended trauma, a cancer diagnosis, a hospitalization, an unpredictable home environment, children’s nervous systems respond by shifting into sympathetic dominance, sometimes called fight-or-flight mode. This can manifest as meltdowns, emotional withdrawal, irritability, or developmental setbacks. Zack Ponder’s children experienced exactly this during their family’s year of crisis. Within weeks of starting Neurologically-Focused Chiropractic Care, the oldest child’s meltdowns disappeared and the second child’s suppressed personality re-emerged.

How is PX Docs chiropractic care different from regular chiropractic?

Neurologically-Focused Chiropractic Care, as practiced by PX Docs, is focused specifically on the nervous system rather than pain. PX Docs use INSiGHT Scans to measure the severity of stress on the nervous system, before and during care, to track objective improvements in how the nervous system is functioning. The adjustments target subluxations that block nerve signaling, with the goal of restoring normal autonomic function. This is why families often see changes in sleep, behavior, emotional regulation, and development rather than just pain relief.

What role does hope play in physical healing?

According to Dr. Tony Ebel, hope is not separate from biology, it is biological. HRV (heart rate variability), a measurable marker of nervous system resilience and healing capacity, has been shown to improve in response to prayer, positive environments, and emotional safety. Zack Ponder’s wife Reka saw her tumor shrink twice as much in three weeks at a hope-centered holistic clinic as it had in four months of chemotherapy. Creating an environment of genuine hope, not false reassurance, but real expectation of healing, appears to have measurable physiological effects.

What advice does Zack Ponder have for parents who feel overwhelmed and don’t know where to start?

Start by finding someone who will simply relate to you, not give you a list of things to do, but genuinely ask how you’re doing. Then get on the same page with your spouse. Instill hope in each other and refuse to let doom and gloom dominate. Connect to your faith. And get your nervous system checked by a Neurologically-Focused Chiropractor. As Zack put it: “If your nervous system is not in check, it’s all going to get blocked. Go to the source.”

How do I find a Neurologically-Focused Chiropractor near me?

PX Docs maintains a searchable directory of trained, certified Neurologically-Focused Chiropractic Care providers across the country. Find a PX Docs office near you at the link below.

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